Since we moved back, I'm slowly falling a routine and while I'm happy to be back, many things are slowly being bottled up.
Everything he also want to have a view. Whether I buy back from hawker to eat, he also want to comment. Not that he is offering to make breakfast for me, all he says are hawker food so unhealthy, u should not eat so much. Yes uncle, easy for u to say since u can shake backside n leave home from 9am to 7pm. If I don't buy back, who cooks for me while I go market to buy meat n vege and cook baby food, your dinner, clean house do laundry, wash baby, interact with baby, help baby walk, take him out for strolls? I only have that many hours n wtf is it to u what I eat? Just because u don't like it? I'm not forcing u to eat. Still cooking your dinner so your problem is?
Every day he come home, over dinner he will complain about how unhealthy sgporean eat. Blah blah. Here I am at night after slaving over a meal n long day, all he does is spew crap judge n judge. Somedays I don't even get to eat, lucky to stuff a pie down n this he's talking about the various choices he has n bitching. I told him it's better than HK since at least I GET to buy food home to eat. Last time in HK I had to starve coz there's no food home n too much to do at home n baby needs to sleep more. Now it's heaven here n this dude just want to keep raining on my parade.
I got irritated n ask him u don't complain abt food so much last time so wat u eat? He say sandwich. I think to myself then eat your f sandwich lah.
So after dinner I was washing dishes n baby was playing by himself. It was 9pm. I told him to bathe baby n he went oh he hasn't bathe yet? I think to myself yah yesterday I bathe him coz I had time. While he bathe baby I wash, wipe, vaccum kitchen n dining room n mop the floors and hang laundry n wash rugs. Then at 9.30pm he came to kitchen without a word. I was still finishing up.
Then I rem I had to marinade meat for tmw dinner. He saw me and ask in irritated voice wat I'm doing. I replied "marinate meat" too tired to engage him. Then he went out n came in at 940pm with the f face and said with irritated face "I don't care comes 18 months I want to Put him in day care"
I don't know wat is the relevance. day care and him at night looking after baby for short while. In short he don't want to deal with his so more than half hour a day. Hejust want to play take photos n run away back to his PC. He is irritated because his jogging is delayed since I'm not done. Selfish prick. Always about him n his needs. Has he ever consider I might be tired too? No he thinks outsourcing care of his child is his fucking gift to me. Then he thinks his son is well mannered etc on his own with no efforts from me? U think u let other people care for your child u can have the way your child is now?
He is so proud his son is learning to take empty plate to kitchen to wash without prompting. Yah doesn't happen on its own. I had to train him everyday . U think all these happen with a maid or in school?
I'm getting tired. Tired of his selfishness. Sure he isn't the worst. Some days he help with hanging clothes but that means he will just throw the dried ones on couch for me to fold n keep away. He will wash plates but forget about the floor n tables. Sure he will help bathe him and feed him milk but it all comes with a price, his nagging, his face or grumbles etc. It's almost as if the child is mine alone and its my decision alone to have a child? No. He doesnt want his lifestyle to change. So what? U bring home to bacon and that's it right?
I told him my back hurts the other day coz I had a sprain when I carried our boy. he come back late n was all upset about his fucking hand phone not connecting to his backup. Keeps yelling n I had to snap at him to shut up as I just put the boy to sleep. Instead of remembering his wife back is hurting , all he care is his phone n he rather drives back to office to try back up and never bother to ask if his wife needs a quick back rub first from pain from whole day.
Angry? no. Disappointed? yes. Resentful yes.
For once after so many years, a thought flash thru my head. Did I actually marry the right guy for me? Am I really having too high expectations or are some of my frens setting too high a husband standard? Is it that wrong to expect your partner to take over 1-2 hour at night from me? It's not even to relax but 1-2 he so that I can catch up on house chores.
Before a kid, his selfishness isn't that apparent but I knew it was there n that's why I didn't really want a kid With HIM. But thinking why I should deprive myself because of him so I took the plunge. As expected, hasn't been a good day since.
Even as I organise play dates, he just go buy lunch take some photo n then go off for his massage. Meanwhile everything else is left to me. At nite I suggested eat ramen as it was closest n easy n the kids want it n my partner said but I want vege. I just ignored him. In my head one day no vege won't die.
So many things are accumulating.
I need a break from him soon before I tear him apart.